Just a few weeks ago, singer Ciara married the love of her life Seattle Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson. It seems that women all over have been rooting for the couple since the beginning. There is an innocence about them that gives hopeless romantics (like myself) reassurance that there is a chance for true love after heartbreak. Even sweeter is the fact that Russell embraces Ciara’s child with rapper and ex fiancé Future, like his own. These two are so head over heels for each other it is hard not to be #TeamWilson! That being said, I have noticed that not everyone is excited about this “fairytale” love match. More specifically, Future is not here for The Wilsons or the fact that Ciara so willingly brought another man around their son.
In case you have been living under a rock, things have not been pretty between Ciara and Future. Regardless of who’s side you are on, Future has made it no secret that he does not agree with Ciara’s willingness to bring another man into their son’s life. However, what I find most shocking is that Future actually has an issue with Russell’s willingness to embrace the son of the woman he loves. So I began wondering, what is really expected of someone who is dating a person with a child? How can you truly love someone if you don’t love every part of them?
This has left me extremely confused (and annoyed) for a number of reasons. Why is Ciara expected to let her Prince Charming pass her by simply because the father of her child doesn’t like it? Why can’t co-parenting exist without all the dictatorship? If two people have a child together and things don’t work out; should they just throw in the towel on love altogether? And why on earth would you be upset with someone that wants to be a positive adult figure in your child’s life? What happened to the notion: it takes a village to raise a child? I personally am not opposed to dating someone with a child, however I do know people that feel the exact opposite way I do. And with a bunch of Futures in this world (men and women included), dating someone with a child may not always seem that appealing. At the end of the day, it is best to know yourself and your limits. The fact is, dating anyone can be rough at times. In any case, it is different strokes for different folks. However, if you are not completely opposed to possibly being a stepparent one day, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- The child(ren) will always come first.
Dating someone that has a child is completely different than dating someone who doesn’t. Spontaneity can’t occur as often, and it cannot always be about you. After all, they are a parent first. If anything, you are getting a front row seat to how they would be if you two had a child together. That being said, if they are willing to drop their kids every time you want to have some fun… that is a huge red flag.
- They will have to deal with their ex.
This is where maturity comes into play. You should not want to create any unnecessary friction. First day of school, dance recitals, holidays; these two have to deal with each other for 18+ years. Unless extreme circumstances exist (death etc.), and you plan on being with this person for a long-time, you should make sure you are ok with knowing that.
- Be prepared to build a relationship with the child(ren).
Although you should not expect this to happen right away, you should have intentions for making it happen. My philosophy is simple, how can you really be all about someone yet you do not completely embrace who he or she are and all they come with (children involved)?
Facebook: Monique Elise