Last month, I finished reading The Rhode to Success: 31 Days of Self-Reflecting, by Alixis S. Rhodes. As described in the title, the book helps you go down a path of success while encouraging you to evaluate and manage your goals, outlook on life, finances, and relationships. I am happy to say that by the 31st day, I was feeling pretty damn good about my life and the path in which I am headed. I did my homework and reflected on many aspects of my life, and felt a reassurance that I was in a great place in most areas. However, when it came to evaluating my friendships, I felt anxious. I realized that I didn’t have as many friends as I thought I once did. I had a friendship that was weakened (for reasons I choose not to disclose) and later tarnished for something I would have never thought possible (Not with us at least). I also realized I had a few “friends” that never made time for me, yet I always made time for them. I am sure everyone has experienced a friendship gone bad at least once in their life. Although it was a harsh reality to face, facing it has allowed me to grow and become a better person. Realizing that certain friendships have run its course, I was able to let go of a lot of negativity. After all, what is the point of holding on to a friendship that has expired?
Different friendships serve different purposes. It is important to know that some friendships are bound to go through tests and some may not last forever. The dynamics of friendships are very unique and it can get pretty messy at times. That being said, a fight or huge disagreement doesn’t necessarily have to take place for you to see that the friendship is over. Things ultimately change. That means the circumstances, compatibility, connection, communication you had with someone can and most likely will change. While some friendships are strong enough to withstand the inevitable, some simply don’t. At the end of the day it is up to you to decide whether you want to hold on to the friendship you think you have. But you should also ask yourself, would they do the same, and do they feel the same way you do? Personally for me, I noticed I was more willing to fight for my friendships, and the ones I was fighting for could care less. Once I finally realized that, I was able to walk away from those situations.
Trust me when I say, I have no qualms about remaining cordial with those I have let go. Because there is no love lost. Just because you decide to no longer call someone a friend does not mean you can’t wish them well and hope for the best. But that is as far as it goes for me. Who knows, maybe one day a few friendships can be rekindled, however I am perfectly fine if that does not happen. Coming to terms with laying my expired friendships to rest, I feel I am ready to enter the next chapter of my life and make room for new meaningful friendships and continuing to appreciate the true friends I already do have.
Here are a few things to think about if you ever find yourself questioning whether or not it is time to let a friendship go:
- Have you outgrown each other?
The person you were best friends with in high school, may very well be a completely different person with different interests that do not align with yours. The fact of the matter is; people grow apart and you may not always be someone’s cup of tea (and vice versa).
- Is the friendship is one-sided?
Sometimes people are so caught-up in themselves and their own situations they are not capable of being a good friend to anyone. I found myself in this particular situation, I noticed I was always the one willing to listen, provide a shoulder to cry on, and offer words of encouragement whenever I could. But when I needed the same in return, this person was nowhere to be found.
- Is the friendship is toxic?
Maybe you have a “friend” that is your worst critic; they can’t wait to put you down or remind you about all of your shortfalls. Or maybe you have a “friend” that cannot find it within themselves to be happy for you… like ever. Rather than celebrate you and your accomplishments every once in a while, they make things about them or they love reminding you of your past. Well I think rather than calling them a friend, you need to be calling them an enemy. Clearly, they are not rooting for you.
You can purchase The Rhode to Success: 31 Days of Self-Reflecting, by Alixis S. Rhodes on Amazon:
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