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According to Mo: Kick the Bad Habit…

There are over 7 billion human beings living in this world. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I am a firm believer in the idea that there is someone for everyone. The process to finding the perfect partner is dating, as we know it. Yes dating can be complex, scary, discouraging, and frustrating at times. But it can also be very exciting, liberating, fun, and a chance to meet your soul mate. So when I hear people say things like, “All men and liars and cheaters…” or “Women are nothing but gold-diggers and opportunists…” I can’t help but to roll my eyes and shake my head. I personally feel that these acclamations are nothing but BS. In all honesty, those that feel these ways are just people that have been jaded by their own bad dating habits.

"The Girl Whose Boyfriend is Cheating on Her"--Lisa poses in AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL on UPN.Ê Photo: Nadia Pandolfo/UPN. ©2005 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved

True, there may not be a shortage of assholes in the world, but there also isn’t a shortage of good men and women just as eager to meet their match either. The problem is, the people that are complaining are simply not attracted to the people that want the same things that they want. Those complaining easily write others off as boring or not their “type”. Whether it’s with regards to a specific ethnic background, height, body shape, skin tone, occupation, financial status etc.  The problem is that these preferences are mostly physical and superficial. We create these “types” with little regard to finding someone that stimulates us spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.  This, in my opinion, is more important in the long run.

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Don’t let what you want keep you from getting what you need. Often times we are consumed by our wants we overlook what’s actually good for us. Simply put, some people are so fixated on their type they often overlook potentially good romantic matches. In fact, they are so focused on finding one person that embodies everything they want they start developing dating patterns that get them nowhere. I was one of these people. Although I didn’t necessarily complain about my dating woes, I did recognize a pattern after yet another break-up. Fed up, I really started to question what I was doing wrong. I had nice guys with great potential pursuing me, but I was just not interested. In fact, I was attracted to people that I had no business dealing with. I realized that I had bad dating habits, and I was attracted to people that only stimulated me physically. My “type” led me astray. Once I realized that, I changed my dating habits and I’m happy to say it has paid off.

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Moral of the story is, sometimes you won’t find what is best for you until you get out of your own way. I know it is hard to take accountability for your mistakes. But if you want a shot at finding a meaningful partner, you must kick the habit!  Here are a few things to keep in mind as you attempt to break your bad dating habits. ..

 

  1. You are what you attract.

Sometimes, you have to acknowledge and accept that you may very well be a part of the problems regarding your dating woes. Being honest with yourself will help you grow as a person. What vibes are you giving off that attract the liars, cheaters, gold-diggers etc.? These vibes may also be the reason you have yet to attract a person to have a healthy loving relationship with.

 

  1. Sometimes your “type” is not what is best for you.

In addition, your “type” may not want you. I know that is a severe blow to the ego. The point is, you are selling yourself short by having a type. While it is perfectly ok to have standards, realize that your type may be keeping you from having your happily ever after.

 

  1. Step out of your comfort zone.

It is easy to gravitate towards what is comfortable to us. But in doing so, you have developed a dating pattern you may not have known you had. The danger with patterns is, you end up dating nothing but different versions of your ex. Remember, you and your ex are no longer together for a reason, so stop dating them! You are doing nothing but holding on to the past. Don’t be afraid to open yourself up to new things and have fun in the process.

 

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Monique Elise

Instagram: @Mobunni

Facebook: Monique Elise

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